This is how my prof decided to explain what contractors are: fat cats who smoke stoagies. and then he drew a pic:

the little sideways bombs are GC's smoking stoagies. This was right before he said do you think people get jobs b/c they deserve it, HELL DAMN NO, its because they are cousins...dont' look at me, you voted for Bush.

I'm supposed to be listening to my contracts review, instead i am writing to you.

 

There is noise, but all i hear is the silence in between my heartbeats, the beats whispering answers to you. Sometimes, they sound like your beats--weird, creepy, unsettling. Sometimes they sound heavy like a hiphop heartbeat, deep and pounding. but always there's the space between. the space where the silence lies....the space filled with whispers that rue the silence. The last year, the year away, there's been more silence than i would like to admit. not all of it has been bad, most of it has been epiphany and poetry laden.

 

This last year, what have i seen, you asked. no one has asked me something like that--something they really wanted to know--in a while. I've seen too much rain...too many of God's tears falling in an attempt to wash away inhumanity. I've seen a lot of ferry boat lights and thought you would love them. I've been lucky to see looks of love in friends' eyes, watch them dance at their weddings and laugh unabashedly. I've seen so many little intricate patterns you would take photos of. Mostly i've seen my illusions get crushed time after time--leaving me at a loss for what my dreams should be anymore. i try to pretend that means i am living in the present.  When someone asked the other day if my stay here was still only temporary, all i could tell them was that i know i have four years....and i can't see beyond that. four years seems like an eternity. an eternity in silence. sometimes i think i see only the trees, in their epic shades of green, sienna and taupe...the leaves have fallen now, the snow comes and goes and the forest is starting to reappear. if i whisper in the forest with no one to hear, do i still make a sound?

 

i remember the word--parallax--from class. i think that's the nature of my life now.     

Brrr.  last night Ryan and I went to this party at Evo Snowboards. Everyone was bedecked and bedazzled in flourscent 80s clothes, there was a video thing where your floating head got put on digital bodies to songs like baby got back (that's the pic below), the fraggle rock crew was dancing, and you could feel the buzz coming about the season. Ryan was goin b/c he wanted to hook up with the Imperial Motion guys to talk about clothes and i got to tag along so i could oggle snowboards and avoid studying after a wicked good dinner with M and everyone at Fana's Cuisine (this fabulous Ethiopian restaurant).

 

yesh, in case i held out any hope that perhaps global warming was gonna go my way and there would be one last burst of warm weather, karma thwarted me and it snowed today.  yeah. i mean it. it snowed.  not the midwestern blizzards i fled from all those years ago, when i learned to drive on ice and snow in a rear wheel truck...but snow none the less. The kids at school were building snowmen that stood like 6 feet tall and chucking heavy wet snowballs at each other.  some not so brilliant person on our street apparently thought that slush was earth ending and put chains on their tires to drive up the perfectly clear hill...it was like, woah.

 

Anyways, to celebrate the coming of the weather which, despite my excitement for what it means for the impending snowboard season, keeps most of the mountain avoiding seattlites in the house, we went to sushi at ototo and stuffed ourselves with tempura bananas, drizzled in chocolate sauce. Court leaves for Argentina to see Katie for two weeks tomorrow...abandoning me and our poor apartment to the wrath of my law books and chaotic study habits. 

 

if anyone out there talks to god...you might wanna ask her to make sure i don't lose my mind from wall climbing or the rule of perpetuities.